Colleague Confessions
by ohcurliehair
Summary: Just some Tony and Ziva ramblings.


ok so this is my first NCIS fic. arrggghhh :) I've written a whole bunch for Lie to Me but never NCIS. so i just kind of came up with this idea when I was getting ready for uni. not the most convenient of times but i had to write it down. I don't know how to describe it so i guess you just have to read it :) oh and I don't own NCIS (that feels weird to type after writing Lie to Me so many times)

***

I can't remember when I first fell in love with my partner. And no, I don't mean McGee, so don't get any kinky ideas. I mean that crazy Israeli chick, the one I can't stand to be around for more than 30 seconds. The one who is always showing me up with her kung foo ninja moves. The one who can't even get the saying 'spick and span' correct. The one who looked so damn beautiful in Paris it hurt. She gave me the bed. Even though she knew the sofa would be incredibly uncomfortable, she gave me the bed. I think I would have enjoyed it more if she was in it with me.

Thinking back, maybe it was when I first realised I couldn't just look over and see her face. I couldn't make fun of her, ruffle her hair, tease her inability to speak English properly. When she didn't board the plane back to Washington I didn't think much of it. I didn't think much at all. I was just so tired, tired both physically and mentally. It wasn't until much later that I realised there was a hole, not just in our team, but in my heart. That sounds ridiculous even to my own ears. I sound like a love struck teenager, but it's more than that. I respect her; she's not just another conquest. And she makes me feel like a man, not a little boy. Anyway, so I was sitting there, looking at her empty desk when it hit me. I couldn't function without her. I hadn't been sleeping or eating and I just put it down to stress. But the truth of the matter was that until I knew that she was alright, I couldn't live a normal life. And the only way I would know if she was alright was if she was next to me, every day, for the rest of my life.

So when I went to save her, I was going to save myself too. Selfish as it seemed, I needed to have her in my life, otherwise I couldn't have a life. And Tony DiNozzo as an empty shell is not a fun person to be around. And now, when I look over, she's there. I steal glances as often as I can without getting caught. Just to make sure it's real, that she's really there. I can walk over and touch her, ruffle her hair, mock her, tease her. Not that I make a habit of just randomly touching her. I wish I could though. Somehow I think that if I did I would end up on the floor again. And not in a positive, the Tony DiNozzo, kind of way. If you know what I mean.

***

He's an idiot. He's also childish, selfish, sometimes obnoxious and really annoying. There's no doubt about that. But he's _my _idiot.

I sometimes look up and catch him staring at me. The first time he did it I felt like breaking his arm. Or some other body part. He used to do it way before all that stuff went down between us. Before he killed my boyfriend. I just put it down to him being the annoying person he was. But then I left NCIS, went back to Israel. And those few times I sat behind a desk I waited to feel those eyes on me. And they never came. And neither did the feelings I usually felt. That's when I realised I didn't used feel annoyance when he looked at me. I felt giddiness. And happiness. Because when he looked at me, it meant he noticed that I was there. I wasn't just another work colleague to him, I was something else. The realisation kind of hit me like a sledge hammer. Or a round kick. Both equally likely to cause pain and all the wind to disappear from your lungs. And pain was what I felt for the next few months. Physical, mental, you name it. Even in the darkest times though, when my rational mind was telling me to give up all hope, some part of my mind (I choose to believe it was the insane part) still believed that Tony would come riding in there on the back of a horse, my knight in shining armour. Which is ridiculous in itself because Tony would never be seen on the back of a horse. But then, it happened. My knight in shining armour arrived. Slightly more dishevelled and dirty than I imagined but he was still there nonetheless. He risked everything, his career, his life, for me. I owe him everything, yet he expects nothing in return.

Now when I catch him staring at me I can feel a smile start to form. I try to hide it of course. Don't want to ruin my image by people thinking I've gone all sappy. Or insane. But I know this time that this is where I belong. And this is where he wants me to be. I wish more than anything that I could just throw my arms around him but that's more than likely to scare him away. So I contend myself with stolen glances back. And occasionally, just occasionally, I catch his eye and he catches mind. And in that brief moment we are the only two people in the world that matter. That's before Gibbs comes up and head slaps DiNozzo for not working and we're all bought back to reality. Unfortunately.


End file.
